Try

“I must still try… because, how then will I ever know if I don’t try, if I do not make a choice and take that first step.”

Try, it’s all I can do, right? Even when the path ahead is filled with thorns ready to prick the moment I expose any nudity.

I must still try… because, how then will I ever know if I don’t try, if I do not make a choice and take that first step. It does not matter how little and insignificant it may seem, it is bound to determine my next course, right?

It could be an opportunity at my doorstep and all I have to do is see it for what it is and grab it before it’s too late or, it could be another regret to add to my already gigantic list of moments of weaknesses; when I knew the right path but somehow, something was triggered inside of me,  making me cold, insecure, fearful, and anxious. Thus, forcing me to retrieve to my safe blanket, where I know nothing can harm or threaten me. That fake paradise I want the world to see in me. Love, when my heart is cold and detached. Humility, when all the signs in front of me are screaming pride loud and clear for the masses to see. Happiness, when inside all I feel is sadness, pain and grief for all that I can never have or rather believe, will never be part of my potion in this life.

However, I still try. Even when I know and believe everyone will see beyond the lie and see me for who I truly am; insecure, bare , empty, lonely, and afraid for what is and what the future might bring with it. May it be success, which will require consistency and hard work to  maintain or…, determination and persistence to achieve that success which I so badly desire and want to believe is the answer to all my problems.

Why am I here? Isn’t my purpose as a human being to touch the hearts of those less fortunate than I. To move them so that they are encouraged to inspire others to do the same…or, is that all a lie I create for myself so that I have some faith, some belief to live by?

Joyce Namahonje

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